Ha ha ha ha ha…………this has got to be the funniest thing I have seen…..well, funniest thing I have seen this year!!!
I knew, I knew, I knew there was a reason why I detested romantic moveis.
LONDON: Planning to go for a romantic comedy with your boyfriend this weekend? Well, scrap all your plans, for according to a study, ‘rom-coms’ can ruin love lives.
The study has found that romantic comedies such as Bridget Jones’s Diary and Notting Hill give people unrealistic – and potentially unhealthy – expectations about real-life relationships. Unlikely happy endings, improbable plots and faux philosophy are to blame, they say.
Ladies, I rest my case. And please never insist I have to watch some x, y, z movie because it will make you “believe in love” again.
Wow!! Someone seems to have a lot of guts. So much for US troops being showered with flowers and sweets.
This guy is more than welcome to my shoes!!
Mr Zaidi shouted “this is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog,” at Mr Bush in a news conference he held with Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki during a farewell visit to Baghdad.
The journalist then flung one shoe at Mr Bush, forcing him to duck, followed by another, which sailed over Mr Bush’s head and slammed into the wall behind him.
Throwing shoes at someone is a very serious insult in the Arab world.
As opposed to shoe throwing in USA where it is an expression of your love for the recipient. What shit.
Here is Russell Peter’s bit about fighting terrorism by not smiling on your passport photograph.
Don’t flash a toothy smile, don’t wear your glasses and don’t wear a hat or head scarf while you’re getting your photo taken for an Indiana driver’s license or identification card.
The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles last month rolled out a new set of rules governing how people must be photographed on their driver’s license photos.
No, the rules aren’t designed to make driver’s license photos — which already had a reputation for being unflattering — even worse.
Rather, the BMV is making the photographs uniform so their facial recognition software can be its most effective in spotting fraudulent license applications.
NEW YORK — Citigroup Inc. is cutting approximately 53,000 more jobs in the coming quarters as the banking giant struggles to steady itself after suffering massive losses from deteriorating debt.
The plans, posted on the company’s Web site, are being discussed by CEO Vikram Pandit at the company’s town hall meeting in New York Monday with employees.
The company said total headcount is being reduced by 20 per cent from its peak of 375,000 at the end of 2007. The bank had already announced in October that it was eliminating about 22,000 jobs from those levels.
My question is, what kind of business are you running that allows you to shed 53,000 + 22,000 jobs in the coming quarters and you are still able to function as a company?
I was interviewed a couple of times at Citi and I am sure glad I did not get the position!!
Proof that Assrocket is a degenirate idiot who needs to be locked up in a mental asylum.
Congratulations to Sen. Obama and Sen. Biden on winning the US elections. Great victory for these two condidates. And also congrats to democrates on winning not only the senate but also the house (although there are a couple or races still up in the air).
What I find a little odd is the fact that everyone is referring to Barrack Obama as african-american. But is he not also half white? Why is everyone so focussed on on his “black side”?
Sometimes, a simple, even childish question turns out to be connected to the deepest secrets of the universe. Here’s one: How many different ways can you tie your shoelaces?
Mathematicians have been puzzling over that question for a century or two, and the main thing they’ve discovered is that the question is really, really hard. In the last decade, though, they’ve developed some powerful new tools inspired by physics that have pried a few answers from the universe’s clutches. Even more exciting is that the new tools seem to be the tip of a much larger theory that mathematicians are just beginning to uncover. That larger mathematical theory, if it exists, may help crack some of the hardest mathematical questions there are, questions about the mathematical structure of the three- and four-dimensional space where we live.
“The central computational area,” said Slartibartfast unperturbed, “this is where every calculation affecting the ship in any way is performed. Yes I know what it looks like, but it is in fact a complex four-dimensional topographical map of a series of highly complex mathematical functions.”
“It looks like a joke,” said Arthur.
“I know what it looks like,” said Slartibartfast, and went into it. As he did so, Arthur had a sudden vague flash of what it might mean, but he refused to believe it. The Universe could not possibly work like that, he thought, cannot possibly. That, he thought to himself, would be as absurd as … he terminated that line of thinking. Most of the really absurd things he could think of had already happened.
And this was one of them.
It was a large glass cage, or box — in fact a room.
In it was a table, a long one. Around it were gathered about a dozen chairs, of the bentwood style. On it was a tablecloth — a grubby, red and white check tablecloth, scarred with the occasional cigarette burn, each, presumably, at a precise calculated mathematical position.
And on the tablecloth sat some half-eaten Italian meals, hedged about with half-eaten breadsticks and half-drunk glasses of wine, and toyed with listlessly by robots.
It was all completely artificial. The robot customers were attended by a robot waiter, a robot wine waiter and a robot maetre d’. The furniture was artificial, the tablecloth artificial, and each particular piece of food was clearly capable of exhibiting all the mechanical characteristics of, say, a pollo sorpreso, without actually being one.
And all participated in a little dance together — a complex routine involving the manipulation of menus, bill pads, wallets, cheque books, credit cards, watches, pencils and paper napkins, which seemed to be hovering constantly on the edge of violence, but never actually getting anywhere.
Slartibartfast hurried in, and then appeared to pass the time of day quite idly with the maetre d’, whilst one of the customer robots, an autorory, slid slowly under the table, mentioning what he intended to do to some guy over some girl.
Slartibartfast took over the seat which had been thus vacated and passed a shrewd eye over the menu. The tempo of the routine round the table seemed somehow imperceptibly to quicken. Arguments broke out, people attempted to prove things on napkins. They waved fiercely at each other, and attempted to examine each other’s pieces of chicken. The waiter’s hand began to move on the bill pad more quickly than a human hand could manage, and then more quickly than a human eye could follow. The pace accelerated. Soon, an extraordinary and insistent politeness overwhelmed the group, and seconds later it seemed that a moment of consensus was suddenly achieved. A new vibration thrilled through the ship.
Slartibartfast emerged from the glass room.
“Bistromathics,” he said. “The most powerful computational force known to parascience. Come to the Room of Informational Illusions.”
Read the rest to get a good laugh!!
“Secretary Powell says his endorsement is not about race,” Limbaugh wrote in the e-mail. “OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I’ll let you know what I come up with.”
He has shown his racist colours numerous times before so I think this is outrageous but what can you expect from a pig. Then he goes on to defend his words.
“I thought it should be about race,” he said. “I thought you liberals thought this was a historic candidacy because finally we are going to elect a black guy…why hide behind this, why act like it’s not about race?”
“This was all about Powell and race, nothing about the nation and its welfare,” Limbaugh added. The talk radio host also criticized members of the media for not addressing his claim that Powell likely hasn’t endorsed white candidates who, according to Limbaugh, have similar political leanings and experience as Obama.
“Just so you know, I haven’t come up with any,” he said. “I worked diligently on this on the airplane on the trip home from Green Bay yesterday. I can’t find any of these inexperienced white liberals that Powell has endorsed.”
He is right. For some people, it’s all about the race in this election. There are people who would rather incite voilence than see a half-black man get elected to office.
So I wonder how many reporters have asked Piggy whom he is voting for. And if it’s not Obama, is it because he is black? And if he says yes, does that not make him a racist?
I just find it funny no one has brought that up. If you find anything please forward me the link cause I could use a few laughs.
Update : And if he is voting for McBush because he is white, does that not prove that Piggy is a hypocrite?
A Western journalist called me the other day to ask what Asians thought of Sarah Palin.
“Just a minute,” I said. “I’ll ask them.”
I held my hand over phone, counted to 20 and then got back on the line. “They like him,” I said. “But they think he should make more episodes of Monty Python.”
There was a long pause. I heard the journalist’s brain cell click into place. “That’s not Sarah Palin,” she eventually said. “That’s Michael Palin.”
“Well, Asians would like her to tell her husband to make more episodes of Monty Python.”
“Actually, I don’t think Michael Palin is her husband.”
I took a sharp intake of breath. “They are not legally married? That’s something that Asians definitely do not approve of.”
“No, no, no, she’s married to someone else, not Michael Palin.”
“That makes it worse,” I said.
There are few things in life more pleasurable than tormenting American journalists. The only downside is that it is so easy. They are absolutely convinced that the rest of the world watches every detail of what happens in the United States as if it was some sort of wacky global sitcom designed to entertain the rest of the planet. Actually, that IS more or less the case. But I still like teasing them.
…….he actually refused to shake Obama’s hand after last nights debate. What an asshole!!
Every now and then I come across a post I have written in a parallel universe. Here is one of them.
Stephen Harper, plump and soft as a double roll of Cottonelle. A man who has spent his entire adult life, after leaving school with a degree in economics, either as a spoiled politician or as a spoiled ideologue in the loving embrace of a right wing think tank. Stephen Harper. A man who is unlikely to ever develop a callus on his hands unless it comes from clutching pennies. This twee, over-fed poofter has the little salted nuts to look into the lens of the camera and portray himself as one of the “ordinary, working people”. And that would be opposed to the “ivory tower” justice experts. Well lets just tell the truth Steve, you haven’t much in common with the justice experts because you’re trying to make your career by skirting the law. But you sure do know the ivory tower, it’s your every aspiration. You fancy yourself the philosopher king, the grand leader of men.
And what is your solution to crime? The prison industrial complex north. Life for 14 year olds, longer terms, stiffer penalties. After all, look how well crime has been reduced down south using the very model you hope to import. But then preventing crime isn’t really the issue, is it? It really comes down to plain old meanness. You don’t give a tinkers damn about preventing crime, or resolving the social issues that cause crime. Nope. You just want to play the big tough guy and punish folks you look down upon. That’s why we hear this bullshit line about the Liberals coddling prisoners from you and your twittering cohorts.
You really have to read the whole post. I insist.
The campaign had another surreal moment when the prime minister was asked by a reporter in Winnipeg what type of vegetable he would be.
Mr. Harper responded that he would rather be a fruit than a vegetable.
“Let me say this, I would choose, if I had to instead, to be a fruit: just what I am, sweet and colourful,” Mr. Harper said.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
That is the funniest thing I ever heard!!! For his sake I hope he is not stuck with that comment although I am pretty sure that comedians will have a field day with this one. I think it would be like Dion “Do you think it’s easy to set priorities?” comment.